What am I willing to sacrifice to save someone other than myself?

While listening to NPR this week, I learned of an incident that took place at Spring Valley High School in Columbia, South Carolina. In the center of this story is a black, female student, an administrator, and a police officer, who may or may not have used excessive force. Upon hearing the story, I initially did not form an opinion or offer any input regarding what happened. My thoughts were simply that this case involved a student who was being disrespectful to both a school administrator and a police officer, and in response to that disrespect, and disobedience, the police officer used what some believed to be excessive force.

 A couple of days after hearing the story, I overheard the incident being discussed. By this point, I had heard the story, but had not actually seen the video. Therefore, I did not feel that I had enough information to join the discussion. I wanted to know more about this incident that seemed to have captured the country's attention, so I went looking for this video. I found it of course on YouTube.

The video captured my attention, and wouldn't let go. I found myself watching the video over and over again. While watching the video however I believe I came away with a different concern than most who had seen the disturbing piece. Whereas many who commented on the video, they were shocked and disturbed by the manner in which the police officer handled the student-hurling the young girl across the room. Sadly, I am no longer shocked by police brutality; I expect it and I'm not surprised by it.

 I found myself more alarmed and concerned by the lack of reaction by the other students in the class. Their demeanor as they sat and watched this unfold, no outrage, no pumped up fist, no screams and sirens to "stop" this unjust treatment. They sat as if this was the norm. I was saddened to see their responses. Saddened to see this generation of young people sitting in their chairs while injustice circled them because they feel they have no voice, no power. I thought about the Civil Rights Movement, and how it was led by young people. That movement flourished not because the populace felt African Americans were entitled to the rights they were seeking, it flourished because young people (who I'm sure felt afraid and powerless) were willing to stand up and be humiliated, to be kicked and punched, spat on and hosed down, to be maimed and to die to stop the injustice against a larger population.

While discussing this story, a friend of mine helped me see that if we are not willing to die, how and why can change occur? I think back to Sandra Bland, a 28-year-old black woman who was stopped for a traffic violation on July 10th in Texas. It is blatantly obvious that she was arrested because the officer did not like her tone or her attitude. She later died in her cell. I wonder whether we would have heard her name, or the story behind her death had she not lost her young life while in police custody. Her story would have been lost amidst the thousands of others that happen each year in this country. I do not know if she committed suicide or if foul play was involved, what I am saying is only when the worst happens does society pause to say, What is going on? What can we do to stop this? What am I willing to do to stop this?

During this incident, one brave student stood up and objected to that girl being tossed around like a rag doll. Perhaps we need to be more like that one brave soul!

2014 in Review

I reviewed 2013 and thought I should provide some follow up in the beginning of this 2014 in review. I ran my second half marathon the Publix Half in March with two really great friends Cynthia and Symet. I even got to run the Beltine Southwest 5K in July with my brother and nephew and my mom cheered us on outside of my house since the race crossed in front of it. It was a lot of fun. My weight goal has come and gone and will come back again. I think my motivation has faulted because U.S. Public Health Service has not opened up to MPH’s as of yet, however I am still hopeful. I did apply to a doctoral program however amazingly did not get accepted I am still kind of befuddled by that. Not that there are not many other great students out there but I really felt the school was a good fit for me. However as I reflect on my financial goals and life ambitions right now maybe the timing is just a little off. When it happens it happens and on better terms than the ones I am working with. Ok that is it for the follow up from last year’s post. In January I acquired a new debt a VW Tiguan ughhhh because my Passat decided it had done all it could. I actually ended up buying two Tiguans in less than a month because I thought it would be cool to return to a manual shift however the constant shifting in Atlanta traffic had me thinking twice about that especially with the triggering of injury from my bike accident. The Tiguan did get me thru the Snowpocalypsethat we had in Atlanta that had some people stranded all of over the city. I was so oblivious to this that I actually went to VW that day after work closed early to get some service done then left there and slowly drove to pick up Patches from the groomer and then eventually headed home never knowing that people were having trouble getting around the city. God winks at our foolishness and constantly protects us from our own decisions. For March, I got braces and went to New Mexico for work. New Mexico was OK, it will not be added to my list of places I want to live or visit again however I count everything as an experience and that it was. On the braces front, I have battled with the decision for a few years now. When I was a teenager I remember specifically making the decision with my mom’s support, that I did not want braces because I did not want to conform to society’s idea of beauty ( that being not having a gap) but wanted to define beauty for myself. I still feel that way however made the decision based on what I want now and that was for my gap to be gone and amazing it is in less than a year however I still have another year to finish aligning everything up. Well April celebrated my one step closer to 40th birthday. My mom, Patches and I all had a day of pampering. I went to Alumi at Oakwood which was fun and got to run the Alumni 5k with Cynthia. My mom got ordained as an elder which in the Adventist church, which is a BIG deal. I am glad the church made it a very special occasion for her and the other two ladies. May celebrated the birth of my niece Myla. June I crashed my Mom and Luther’s vacation in Orlando. We all had a nice time. In July I finally ran the famous Peachtree Road Race with Cynthia, we un- expectantly became each other race running partners this year. I will definitely run this again and plan to in 2015 along with the other two races that result in the runner getting a unique medal. I am all about the bling! As I review my pictures from August nothing to significant happened. My finale races for 2014 were in September. I had a girlfriend weekend of running. Symet came up and ran the Diva 5k with me on Saturday and Deanna joined us on Sunday for the Black Girls Run 5k. Both were a lot of fun however drastically different. I would definitely run them both again for totally different reasons. I began October fulfilling an overdue desire to visit Ashford, NC to visit Biltmore Estates and stay in a Bed and Breakfast. It was a really great weekend. It was empowering in so many ways. I had postponed taking this trip for so long thinking it was something I wanted to do with a very significant other or my husband. I am sure I would have enjoyed it in a different way with a man but I enjoyed it just the same. I have decided to stop postponing what I want to do waiting on somebody else, I know he will come but until then he shall find me occupying my life doing what I enjoy! November and December wrapped up the year with the usual Thanksgiving and Christmas activities. For my holiday party this year, my friends and I volunteered at Open Hand preparing meals for terminally ill persons. It was a lot of fun working for a great cause! My year ended with a service at church and walking Patches under the starry night. Some overall highlights and things to look forward to in 2015, I committed to practicing Yoga regularly however have not reached my goal for 2014 however 2015 is going to be a different story I aim to perfect my headstand and really work on my core strength, I need a nice defined tummy. No desire to be skinny but definition is a beautiful thing along with running a mile and not being out of breath. Patches has had a number of health challenges this year that has brought me to terms with her mortality. Not that I did not know she would eventually die however I have come face to face with how I will feel about her death when she does. I know that she is a gift from God and when He decides she will leave the earth He would have prepared me for it. As anyone that knows me well knows, friendship means the world to me. I am grateful to God for continually answering a prayer of a little teenage girl over twenty years ago by continuing to renew, strengthen and maintain life long friends, who I count more valuable to me than some I share a blood line with. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 Thanks to each of you - friends and family for making 2014 a great year and I am EXPECTING God to do greater things in 2015!!!

Something that makes you say uhmmmmmmmmmm

When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it's all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people were crazy. Now they're not as crazy. To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before." "So, to say Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress. There's been black people qualified to be president for hundreds of years. The question is, you know, my kids are smart, educated, beautiful, polite children. There have been smart, educated, beautiful, polite black children for hundreds of years. The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let's hope America keeps producing nicer white people." by Chris Rock

Girlfriend weekend of running!!

Friendship that makes you speechless

My first Peachtree Road Race 10k

Wordless Monday

Wordless Mother's Day

Wordless Tuesday

38th birthday

Celebrated my 38th birthday with a day of pampering with my mom. Even let Patches in on the fun and she spend the day at the groomer! A little picture that captures the day!

Trip to New Mexico

I was in New Mexico last week on a business trip! I realized I like greenary, so the chances of me ever living in the desert are slim. Here are a few pictures.

On a run. I have a thing about making sure I run even when I am out of town!

Publix half marathon

I completed publix half marathon last week! It was great, training makes all the difference. I realize I could really do a full marathon if I wanted but I think I will wait a while on that one. I would really want someone to run along side me for that one. I did have two friends join me for Publix and it was a lot of fun! I have selected a few pictures below!

I got my top braces today

Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others

The following are the highlights of a book that John Mallory has published. I thought it has some poignant details worthy of sharing 

Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others


By: John T. Molloy -

This book is based on over 3,000 interviews conducted by Molloy and
his researchers. They interviewed couples coming out of marriage
license bureaus, and then a control group. The results reflect the
statistical tendencies of marriage. Many of the lessons are common
sense, but what sets this book apart is its specificity and the
statistical backup for its assertions.


The Six Basic Guidelines For Women To Get Married

Insist on it.
If you find yourself in a dead-end relationship, move on.
Love yourself first.
Commit yourself to the idea of getting married
Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance
Time is running out--use time wisely in your search for the marrying man

To maximize your chances of marrying, only date the marrying kind:

Most men will not consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment

For 80% of high school graduates, 23
For 80% of college graduates, 26
For college men, the high-commitment period is 28-33
For men who go to graduate school, 30-36
After the age of 37-38, the chances that he'll commit drops
dramatically. After 43, it drops even more
A 40+ man who has been married before is more likely to remarry than
an equivalent bachelor is to marry

Most men will not contemplate marriage until they have been working
and living as independent adults for several years (hence the
high-commitment periods)
Men become likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the
singles scene

E.g. They realize that they've become the sleazy old guys who hang out
at the bars and hit on younger girls

Men do have a biological clock, based on their desire to be an active
father (especially to their sons)
Misc. negative traits and warning signs

Men who see marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have
the most to gain
Men whose parents divorced when they were young
Men who live with their parents

Other key facts

Men often marry women whose religion, politics, values, and
socioeconomic status match theirs
Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry

60% of the newly married men reported that they had a friend who had
married within the last year.
Those men who didn't have any married male friends were 2-3 times as
likely to say that they weren't ready to marry.
The majority of men who had seen their friends get married said that
if they met the right woman, they'd think seriously about getting
married.

Avoid stringers, men who string along women but never commit. To
filter them out, insist that he commit after six months. Then stick to
it, no matter what excuses he gives.
Consider unpolished jewels, men who are just as nice, intelligent,
hard-working, and successful, but lack looks, height, or social
skills.

a. 88% of men over 50 who were marrying for the first time were
marrying divorced women. The women told the researchers that they had
already tried the tall, suave, type, and he didn't make a very good
husband.

First impressions are important

1. Men are attracted by the physical, but marry character

a. Newly engaged men said that what attracted them to their fiancées
was how classy, positive, energetic, enthusiastic, and upbeat their
future wives were.

i. While 68% gave a physical description of their fiancée, only 20%
said that what attracted them was how gorgeous and sexy their fiancée
was. Over 60% described their personalities, even if the women in
question were very beautiful.

b. Therefore, be positive!

2. All wives are trophy wives--men marry women whom they admire and
like to show off (but not for their physical appearance)
3. Dressing appropriately sends the message, "I am wife material." Men
marry women they perceive as "situational virgins" who move easily in
their world.

a. Editor's note: In other words, don't dress like a ho. Men see a
sexy outfit as an invitation to have sex.
b. Most men decide within 10 minutes of meeting a woman if she's
appropriate for marriage, or just for a casual affair.
c. Over 80% of men said or bragged that their fiancée was the kind of
woman they were proud to introduce to friends and family
d. Over 70% of men said that they knew that their future bride was a
"nice girl" the minute they met
e. Only 7 out of 2,000 men interviewed said that their fiancée was
dressed in a very sexy outfit when they met.

4. If you want to marry a man who is more attractive than you, go for
a very good-looking man because he will actually place less emphasis
on looks. Women see their own looks as a gift of nature equal to or
superior to brains and talent. In contrast, 67% of very good-looking
men think of their looks as a minor asset, and say they would rather
be smart, rich, or talented. Do the following:

a. Approach him. Very attractive men don't make passes at women
because they don't have to.
b. Let him put you on a pedestal. Don't treat him any differently than
you would another man, just because he's good-looking.
c. Let him see your talents and accomplishments. Very good-looking men
often marry women who have qualities they lack--education, professional
accomplishment, social standing, and ambition.
d. Make demands on him. Advise him to go back to school or get a better job.

5. Making a good impression on his family is almost as important as
making a good impression on him.

a. 5% said that it was their family that had convinced them that the
woman was something special
b. 30% said that their family's positive opinion had influenced them

What kind of women get married?

1. Women with a large number of female friends are more likely to
marry than women with a large number of male friends

a. Men don't go out of their way to introduce their female friends to other men

2. If you reach 30 and want to get married, you have to make finding a
husband a primary goal. Once your friends start getting married, they
are less likely to have an active social life with you. Don't be the
last one off the bus!
3. Women who get married, even those with high-powered careers, make
getting married a priority that they work at.
4. The larger the number of single men and women you work with, the
better your chances of marrying
a. If you work in an industry with few eligible men (e.g. the fashion
industry, where most male colleagues are gay), or have other
disadvantages, you'll have to work harder outside of work to overcome
them. It's unfair, but suck it up.
5. Women with unrealistic expectations often remain single

a. Much of the time, these expectations are imposed by others, who
think that the men she brings home aren't "good enough for her."
b. Give men a second chance--20% of brides to be said that they didn't
like their husband when they first met him.

6. Self-confident men are attracted to accomplished, self-assured, and
talented women
7. Women who waste their time with stringers or men who don't care for
them hurt their chances of marrying

a. Women who marry refer to the men who broke up with them as losers.
Women who don't marry often make men who don't reciprocate their
feelings the center of their universe and still speak well of them.

b. Don't date married or gay men.
8. Women who live with their parents are less likely to marry
9. Being slender attracts more men, therefore increasing your chances to marry
10. Women who put effort into looking their best are more likely to
marry than those who don't
11. However, men find women who are active and don't spend all of
their time primping more attractive
12. Women who make an effort to seek out the company of single men are
more likely to marry

a. Women who marry date more frequently than those who don't, even
it's Mr. Wrong.
b. Women who marry are three times as likely to participate in
masculine activities in which they had no real interest.
c. Women who marry are twice as likely to have made lifestyle
sacrifices (changing jobs or moving) to meet eligible men.

13. Women who have active social lives are more likely to marry
a. Go out on Friday and Saturday, when other single people go out

The stages in a relationship

1: Living up to expectations

Men believe that they can size up a woman in 5 minutes. They're
usually wrong. If a man doesn't call, it's because he realizes that he
made a mistake.

2: Getting to know you. The following types of women are more like to
get asked out on additional dates

a. Women who date more extensively
b. Women who have male friends or brothers (and thus have a better
understanding of men)
c. Women who worry less about impressing their dates and more about having fun
d. Women who don't have sex on the first date
e. Women who object when they don't approve of the man's plans
f. Women who are friendly and positive
g. Women who are a good audience and show interest and/or a concern
for his welfare
Sidebar: Why men don't call

As men see it, they don't need a reason not to call. They do need a
reason to call.
The woman gets too serious too soon
The woman is not as positive as they had thought.

90% of men find catty remarks a turnoff

3: Needs and lifestyles

This stage is about separating attraction from compatibility.
If your lifestyles aren't compatible, end the relationship as quickly
and painlessly as possible

4: Steady dating (range: 3 weeks to 3 months)

Men don't typically think of themselves as dating until after 4-6 dates
Women typically think of themselves as dating after 2-3 dates, hence the problem
The primary reason men drop women during the first month or two is
that the women come on too strong, too soon.

50% of men have broken up with a woman because she got serious prematurely
Never speak of marriage, children, or your future together for the
first 6 dates.

5: Romancing the woman

Men are always trying to please the women they like. Just relax and
enjoy your stay on the pedestal (because it's likely to be brief).

6: Getting comfortable (3 months+). This is the stage where the couple
stop feeling they have to be on their best behavior and start being
themselves.

The fact that your man doesn't bring you roses, but instead plops on
your couch to watch TV and takes you for granted is actually a natural
stage and the hallmark of almost all serious relationships--not a
deal-killer.
But, don't be a doormat. If you don't complain, or, even worse, try to
do everything for him, it will make him think you are just there for
his convenience.

Women who withhold doing household chores usually get more respect from men
The women who insist on being treated well are 2x as likely to end up
marrying their man. No one marries a servant.

Insist on being monogamous

7: Committed couplehood (range: 6 months to 1 year; 73% said that
within 9 months, their partner had become the center of their lives).

Successful couples:

Are monogamous
Put their partners interests above their friends and family

If his family member makes a negative comment about you, he should
defend you. 79% of marrying men said that they came to their
financees' defense.

Hang out together without any particular plans. When just being
together, you are a successful couple.

8: Premarital couplehood.

Committed couples are:

Openly affectionate, and make sacrifices for each other
Become confidants. More than 90% of couples who get married are.

But remember that men are sensitive to criticisms of their family, and
men don't share their feelings easily

9: The proposal stage

Most men propose after going out with a woman for 18 months.
If at the end of 22 months, a man has not proposed, the chances that
he will start to diminish.
For 3.5 years, the chances diminish gradually. After that, it plunges.
After 7 years, your chances are virtually zero.

Speaking of Marriage

1. Men who discuss marriage are more likely to propose
2. If you want to discuss marriage, you're going to have to bring the
subject up, because many men never will
3. 73% of marrying women said that they put pressure on their man to propose
4. If a woman is convinced that marriage is essential to her
happiness, she is more likely to marry.

a. If a man is convinced that being married is essential to a woman's
happiness, he is more likely to propose

5. When a man who has been dating a woman for months says he hasn't
thought of marriage, he's probably just being honest. Men don't think
about these things.

a. 1/3 of husbands who had said no at first had forgotten that they did so
b. 2/3 remembered, but most thought it wasn't a big deal.
c. When told that saying this upset their wives, the men generally
responded, "What did she want me to do, lie to her?"
d. More than 90% of men who said they weren't ready didn't think the
answer was a rejection, just a fact.
e. The best response is, "Maybe it's time for you to think about it."
f. Statistically, this is actually one of the most encouraging answers
a woman can receive; many of these men proposed within 4 months.

6. Men don't get subtle hints--a woman has to discuss marriage directly
and, to make sure he gets the point, ask follow-up questions.
7. When a man says he isn't ready, it usually doesn't mean he will never marry.

Often, it's because they don't have enough money.

8. Men rarely respond positively when challenged.

a. Over 50% of men say that when presented with a choice, "Marry me or
get lost," they chose to get lost.
b. Over 50% of men say that when a woman walks out, they let her go.
c. Instead, come back to the subject later. Send the message, "I love
you, but I need marriage." Don't let them off the hook.

i. "How could you do this to me? You hurt me."
ii. "The reason I'm so hurt is that I love you."

Marrying after 40

1. The best places to meet eligible men are clubs and groups based on
common interests. Join organization that have single men as members.

a. 21% of engaged women over 40 said that they had met their fiancée
at an athletic club
b. Sports clubs that focus on activities that attract singles (trips,
bicycling) are best
c. Next best are tennis, and golf.
d. Third come professional or social organizations that are
overwhelmingly male, like engineering associations or collectors of
sports memorabilia.
e. Fourth come organizations that have a singles scene, or sponsor
events that give singles a chance to socialize with other club
members.
f. Dances, picnics, and charity golf or tennis tournaments are also a
good place to meet men.

2. Have an active social life

a. Women who go out twice a week, even just to dine with other women
or do volunteer work, are 3x as likely to marry than those who don't
go out.
b. Going out three times a week boosts your chances even further.
c. However, going out more than 5 nights a week decreases your chances.

3. Though men often date women who are much younger, they usually
marry someone close to their own age.
4. The most common reason men over 40 were attracted to their fiancées
was that they took good care of themselves. So stay in shape!
5. When asked what attracted them to their fiancées, younger men cite
virtue, talent, or accomplishments. 62% of men over forty cited
"niceness" (congeniality, agreeableness, a relaxed, low-maintenance
attitude, and acts of kindness).
6. Older men may be in a hurry to get married; delay them, don't dump
them, if you aren't ready yet.
7. Men who attend religious services are more likely to marry.

Divorced men, widowers, and single fathers

1. Young widowers without children are the most marriageable men on earth
2. Single fathers with young children have little or no energy for a social life
3. Most widowers are not ready for a relationship until 2 years after
their wife passed away
4. Men whose wives died of lingering or painful illnesses are less
likely to remarry.
5. The more amicable a man's divorce, the more likely he is to remarry
6. The younger a man is, the more likely he is to remarry

January 2014 5 k

2013 Year in Review

I find myself not knowing where to start for that reason this 2013 in review will be short and sweet. I began the year settling into a new job only to be offered another one about three months into the year. The Lord blesses us above and beyond what we think or imagine. I committed this year to running a 5k or longer race a month and I did. I even trained for my first half marathon and completed it in October. It almost makes me want to train for a full marathon but I have not gotten that running ambition yet. I have a weight goal that I would like to reach by my birthday in April, to position me to join the U.S. Public Health Service once they open up applications for MPH’s, which I pray occurs in 2014, otherwise I will just have to get a doctorate degree LOL. 

Considering, I began 2013 and now ending 2013 without a serious relationship, I can justly say my personal life has been uneventful and when it was eventful it only showed how insignificant it really was. On a more personal note I have committed more than ever before to become debt free ( not that I have a lot but know one bachelors and two Master’s is not cheap)including my house in ten years, by God’s grace and my commitment it will be done, stay tuned. 

As for my family all and all everyone is good. My dad had a medical scare and my mom had a life changing experience that made me come face to face to the fact that my parents are officially OLD and that means I am really getting OLDER. My brother, sister in law, nephew and niece are all well, they have a new addition coming in May, 2014, wooohoooo!!! 

 My friends and family as always continue to be the best part of every year. They are my counsel, a listening ear, a calming presence and the ever present comedian when I need one. A close friend of mine whom I went to high school and college with was diagnosed with POEMS syndrome(rare disorder of the blood that affects the body systems and causes damage to the nerves). Her experience has touched me in a number of ways and we start the year with her beginning intense chemotherapy. Every time I think of her I just pray for her and her family. The concept of praying for her when I think of her has caused me to do the same for everyone in my life when I think of them or just when I encounter various people in my day to day. It is very comforting, for only God can solve every situation in our lives, we are just feeble humans with finite minds, created by a God who is infinite! Happy New Year!

Christmas Day Activities

My family has a tradition of pooling our resources and making bags filled with t shirts, socks, hats, underwear, personal hygeine products and a few edible items for the homeless Christmas Eve and distributing them to the homeless Christmas morning in downtown Atlanta. Here is some of our prep. I did not go out this year to pass them out I opted to stay at home and watch my niece and make her a little skirt and breakfast for my weary family who braved the cold dedicated to the cause!

My niece helped a little passing the bags during our little assembly line making the bags. Then this box got her attention and she was off the assembly line.  It is the simplest things that keep kids entertained for hours!

Annual Holiday Party

My Holiday Party was a few weeks ago however I realized I did not share it on here.  I struggled with what activity we should do.  The options I had was making an gingerbread house that I found at Williams Sonoma or a wreath kit I found at Paper Source. I sent out a poll to the group of attendees and they choose the wreath kit. I had them select the one they wanted and here are a few pictures of what this beautiful group of ladies created. I would be remissed if I did not mention that the wreath making was a task so much so it went partily over my scheduled party time and the ladies ended up taking they half completed wreaths home to finish. They were not detoured a few stayed up late at their house to finish. I am dysfunctional after 9 and delirious after 10 which is about the time they all left. Oh because I mentioned from my last post about the Beltline challenge, I came in second place on weight loss and no prize for me but I was proud of myself!!!